I don't deal with disappointment well. I don't curse, or scream, or hit things, but it definitely sends me into a funk, that I struggle with getting out of. Once I have an expectation, if something doesn't reach it, a grey cloud starts to hover over me. I'm starting to get better at recognizing this, and dealing with the emotions appropriately, but it's a major weakness of mine.
This journey that I am on, of learning to deal with disappointment, has been popping up in my creative world as well. It is really stretching me! In the past if something didn't really turn out the way I wanted, it would sit in a pile, collecting dust, or get tossed out all together. I would walk away from all of my crafting, and sit in a funk about it.
Today, I put together a bag. I did a muslin lining, to see what I thought of the shape I was trying to craft, and when it did not look exactly like I was hoping, instead of putting it aside and going to stew, I adapted. I recognized what was good about the project as it was, and moved forward, adjusting my plans to suit the shape I created. This was major progress for me.
I really kept on, reserving judgement, even being excited about some steps of the process.
|Some swirls on my cutting board, with all the clutter|
|A felt buckle for the bag. Kinda unsure if I like how it turned out.|
Fast forward to the end of the bag making process- I am disappointed with the bag. It's a good bag: I used new techniques, and am proud of the workmanship. The problem is, that it is not what I expected. I adapted, I changed plans based on what the project was growing into, so as an end product it is very different than what I originally wanted. So, after all the thought and care, I am struggling to see it positively. I am struggling to remember the value in the process.
I feel like the Holy Spirit is really pressing into me in this spot of expectations and disappointment. That God is trying to show me that He has something better for me.